longest walk
February 2, 2007 (Fri)
I woke up feeling a little pain on my stomach. I fixed myself still, drank my milk and vitamins then head for work. The pain was nothing serious. I arrived at the office and did my thing - program and email.
Lunch Time. The pain’s still there. I slouched, surfed the net. The pain subsided. A bit. I ate my lunch - carrots and 2 eggs. Done. The pain came knocking again. That time, stronger. I slouched. Nothing happened.
Lunch Break’s over. Officemates came settling down. I was sitting. Struggling to survive. I couldn’t make it anymore, I thought. I went down and asked for permission to leave the office.
I left. was walking towards the 15-minute walk train station which seemed to be the farthest train station i’ve walked in my whole life. The pain’s so real and so hard. I felt I could collapse. I thought about asking for help from among the store owners inside the train station. I wanted to lie myself down. I knew I would feel better if I lie down. But I was too shy to do it and sure thing, there aren’t any beds inside the boutiques.
I rushed to the comfort room, sit on a western style bowl and hoped the pain would subside. Nothing happened. The pain only got stronger. I went out and headed towards the train station entrance to get my ride. I was literally dragging myself, back folded while walking (like an old woman suffering from osteoporosis). The train wasn’t there yet. So, I sit on the floor in the waiting street. Imagine me doing that! The pain was striking really strong. I didn’t care looking so stupid on the floor.
I had my train ride and closed my eyes. It will be a 25-minute ride. I was holding on. That 25-minute ride didn’t seem to be only 25 minutes at all. It’s like forever.
Then I went down. Wondering if I could still survive. I still had to walk for 15 minutes to reach my pad. Several thoughts came in - riding a taxi or hitching a ride. Nothing seemed something I could do. The taxi fare is so expensive and I couldn’t talk to tell the driver where I was heading. So, instead of thinking, I walked, back folded still. Oh my GOD! I wanted so much to die. The pain was just so unbearable! But I kept walking. My stomach was bulging from the pain. I was battling against the feeling of losing all my senses while walking. It’s winter and so cold and the snow was pouring a bit and there was me, struggling to reach home with my stomach at its worst state. For every pace I took, I thought about how many more steps I had to take to reach my pad. It didn’t seem to work. I only felt more bad feeling how much longer did i need to walk; how much farther my pad had become.
I reached my pad, opened the door and undressed myself. I had the biggest stomach I’ve ever seen on me. I enveloped myself with blanket then laid myself down. I knew then I would be alright.
I could have died. And I didn’t care. It could have been better that I did. I mean, that’s what I thought at that moment.
I trudge everyday the same route. And yet, it seemed like the longest walk of my life.
It seemed like I was walking for so long… like, FOREVER.
Posted: February 5th, 2007 under Serious Talk.
Comments: 3