I learned so much from the Bible Study as well.  I am loving the group and what we do.  Thank you guys!

And after church, since I just learned how to bike,  I cycled for two hours with idel.   felt so good!

yepey!
yes. you heard and read it right. i didn’t know how to ride a bike. i wasn’t exposed to bicycles. my family doesn’t own a bike and perhaps, i wasn’t that interested. a bike was merely a want, not a need.

well, here in Japan, a bike is considered every man’s feet, a need, not a want. young and adults alike have bicycles. and while i maybe capable of having one, i didn’t know how to ride on it. confessing to anyone (here in Japan) that i didn’t know how to, is such a shame. all of them were surprised and did think that i was just kidding. but, no, i wasn’t kidding.

i missed all those bike riding activities and i replaced bike rides with train rides and walks.

until i decided to finally try learning how to. to be honest, it’s hard. i wanted to learn it quick but i couldn’t. i tried moving around the park only to fail. watching young and adults riding on their bike made me feel so frustrated and somehow, i felt a bit discouraged and yeah, so ashamed.

kay was encouraging me and telling to ignore all those surprised faces of both adults and young watching me. she was coaching me how to do it in the way she did it when she was yet learning.

but i never did learn on my first day. i only earned bruises and body pains (esp my butt). but it’s worth another try. i concluded, learning japanese especially kanji is easier than learning how to bike.

i searched the internet for tips but the lists are those that i know. there was no secret revealed that i needed to know to learn quickly.

this morning, i was with another friend, keren. she’s an expert with bike riding and she swore i’d learn in just a single session. so, we went to the park again and she taught me the first few steps to learning how to do it. balancing was the first goal. i rotated the park for perhaps, almost an hour, just trying to balance. and then, i tried putting my legs on the pedal. alas! i did it! in two hours, i learned how to do it.

and i am damn so proud of myself. and i was wrong. learning japanese (kanji esp) is far more difficult than learning to ride the bike.

i think i am the only one in our family who knows how to ride a bike (except my dad). hehe.

i’ve learned that there are some things in life so simple for the majority but so complicated for me. i’ve learned that some things in life are only learned by actual activity and never by theory.

thanks to kay, keren and kagz!

now, that i’m far away, i get to discover this hidden passion and perhaps, hidden talent. hehe.

to cut this short, i have learned that i do love cooking and baking.  so, once, i tried cooking japanese chicken curry. and here’s how it looked.  yum. yum. hehe.

i didn’t think i’d take this more seriously.  guess what?  i bought myself a new toy - an oven.  and i am so looking forward to having fun and exciting and delicious moments with my oven. 

and here’s what i made first - Philippine biko.  mom cooks biko really well and i haven’t tried doing it myself when i was back home.  not being around her makes me try it myself. and i am so damn proud of myself having done this thing.  it doesn’t look so good though, but… give me a chance… =)

yesterday, i made carbonara (pasta with white sauce) too for my dear friends who stayed overnight. i did it as i’ve seen on tv.

and this afternoon, we made cookies for tomorrow’s open church.  i had so much fun and i learned a lot.

way to go.  so much to learn.  and perhaps so much time left too.  well, maybe.

well, i’m just so looking forward to cooking and baking more. and more. really, when you’re doing something that you love to do, there’s no pushing yourself into doing it.  you find joy. and there’s always time for it.

Well, after two days of not being able to make it, I gave up training myself and grabbed all sorts of medicines to help me out - yogurt, anti-consti pills, oolong tea, green powder, rosehip tea, eater’s digest tea. I just couldn’t live with it any longer.  So, I consumed all my Nihongo (money) to explain to the pharmacist what mondai (problem)  I was into. 

Well, anti-consti pills did help.  The rest, didn’t.

i used to drink a 500mg-tablet a day and it used to work.  when i consumed all the tabs that i brought with me, i had my mom send me more.  she sent me 250mg ones, so i had to consume two tabs a day. until it stopped working. and so, i increased the dosage to three tabs (750mg) a day. 

that said, i consumed all the tabs sooner than expected. i consumed all the tabs just last night and although i asked for another meds from back home, it won’t arrive till may 5.

well, that means, i will not be drinking the medicine for like 11 days.  that means, i will be learning how else could i live without that medicine.  maybe this is enough time for me to finally break my dependency or, to really conclude that my dependency is unbreakable.

and this is otherwise saying that, it could either mean i’ll have a bulging tummy until that day or i’d be glad to finally annouce that i break the relationship i used to have with that medicine.

high-fiber diet.
no junk foods.
no peanuts.
no meat.
just fruits and vegetables.

i have to give this another try. this time, it’s stricker. this time, it’s more serious.

will i make it?  is it gonna be agony? or ecstacy?

i arrived at the office 9:45 a.m today.  official work starts when the clock strikes 10:00.  part of my mornings in the office is making and taking a mug of coffee.  this is a daily routine, something i always do first. 

i made my coffee and drank it.  i set aside the mug on my table and get started. busy. very busy. i wasn’t able to go to the CR nor drink water, which i used to do every hour.

clock strikes 12.  i got my lunch box and ate my lunch while working still.  i finished lunch and set aside my lunch box and spoon right beside my mug.   i continued working.   in my mind, i was thinking i will grab a glass of water when the clock strikes 1:00pm. 

i kept working.  clock strikes 1:00 pm.  i was working still.  of course, we all should.  then clock strikes 3:00pm. breaktime. i wanted to grab my bars of “balance power” and perhaps, a mug of coffee or water.  i did that.  in my mind.  and then 6:00pm.  until it’s time to leave, i wasn’t able to get another drink nor did i get the chance to eat my blueberry bars. 

so, would you believe that i actually only had a single drink today in the office, and it’s that single mug of coffee before i started working?   and would you believe that the only time i stood up in the office is when it’s time for me to leave and go home?  please believe.  it’s true. yeah, and it’s another first time.

 this should somehow help you imagine just how busy i was today.

i survived with a single mug of liquid today.  and i never get to visit the comfort room.  can’t imagine how and why i let that happen.

ever did that?

today, for the first time, in the history of my existence, i forget where i placed my train ticket.  obviously, i had to open my coin purse and drop coins, thereby, waste my money for my train fare, which i supposedly had paid ahead. it’s not that it hurts but, it sure will, if i really lost it.

bad. bad.

lame excuse:  i lent it to a friend so that he needed not pay for the train fare last saturday. when he returned it, i was kinda busy watching a movie and so, i placed it near my laptop. i recalled, i placed it somewhere else after i realized i might lose it and so, i am pretty sure, it’s not on my table anymore. 

i hope, though, that i will find it inside my room when i get home tonight.  it’ll cost me much if i buy a new one.  i only got it last thursday and it’s effectivity actually starts on wednesday and before i could even use it, i lost it.   explanation:  i bought in advance, a one-month-worth ticket and so, the ticket i lost (i hope i did not), is actually my old and new ticket. so, it’s like saying i lost both my old and new tickets. 

and so, i am launching calc program, at the same time, double-clicking the lower right-hand side of my monitor (calendar) to see how much i would need to spend for the worst-case-scenario (guess, you know what i mean) because i’d rather not buy again for this month.

darn. so darn.

update: 

First thing i did when i get home was look for my precious ticket.  And, it’s there, laid on my bookshelf, right below my mini sanitary bag.  Praise the Lord!

OK.  This ain’t new to me.  This is, in fact, an everyday scene in Japan.  But I am making it a big deal.

Ain’t it sad?  Here in Japan, it’s normal to see disabled persons maneuvering their own wheelchairs and being all alone trying with all their  might to continue surviving. 

Last night, I came across this old paralyzed woman who could hardly move, pushing her cart inside the grocery store and picking items.  It’s just so sad seeing them. 

Last week, I saw another paralyzed woman inside a very big and busy train station, maneuvering her own wheelchair going from platform to platform.  It sure is so hard.  I wish I could push her and help her get to the place she wanted to go. 

In my mind, I was asking where are the kids or siblings of these people.  In the Philippines, we wouldn’t allow paralyzed persons to be on their own.  There should be someone taking good care of them, looking after them.  Why do these people here have to be alone?  Don’t they have families?  Doesn’t anyone care for them?

Isn’t it what families are for - to take good care of each other especially during tough times?  We all grow old or go weak anytime.  Friends can vanish when we can’t go with them to parties or out-of-towns but our family, they are supposed to be there for us.  Family is all we got when the worst comes to us.  We may be confiding to our friend/s when we have problems, but at the end of the day (or in the long run), it is our family’s acceptance and understanding that we seek deeply.  It is our family (people we love) that matters.

Our relationship with our siblings, parents and/or kids, are, for me, the most important things in this world.  I always firmly believe that my family is the most important treasure I have in this world.  I always know that no matter what happens to me, they are always there.  Whatever I would like to do, they are willing to support.  In a lot of ways, my family’s love made me  commit into doing something that wouldn’t put them to shame.

I love my family.  We help each other.  We care for each other.  We do not do this, however, to receive assistance (in return) should we suffer from anything.  But having a great relationship with them does guarantee that we will never be alone no matter what.  Yeah, NO MATTER WHAT!

I know that should I run into trouble anytime, my family wouldn’t ask “Why would I help you?”  instead they would say “Why wouldn’t I?” and they’ll come running to rescue me. 

And I will never ever push my own aid-cart or maneuver my own wheelchair.  Hmnnn… at least, that’s how I feel.

march 3, 2007 (saturday)

i’m outta bed earlier than usual.  on days like these, i used to fix my room, the kitchen, the sink, the bathroom and the toilet and then transfer the garbage from the bins to the designated plastic bags and then put them at their designated places outside our pad.  i did just that. in no particular order.

i gotta meet girl friends at 2pm so i had lotsa time.

i was happily cleaning the house.  i felt it’s a beautiful saturday morning.  and it was.  until i cleaned the toilet.  and the story begins here.

i was using male and female toilet bowl brush (i.e. the handle is the male, the brush itself is the female. the two are not completely attached to each other.)  i poured in toilet cleaner and pushed and pulled the brush against the bowl.  then, the female part (brush itself)  separated from the handle.  i kept pushing the handle to find the hole of the brush that fits the handle itself.  i couldn’t so much see the brush for it’s color is white and so is the water because of the toilet cleaner i poured in.  oh well, to cut it short, i pushed a little too hard that i couldn’t anymore see the brush.  so, i flushed water.  clean.  it’s clean.  the brush is invisible. i flushed again.  no problem.  i will just have to buy another brush.  that’s cheap anyway.

i proceeded to cleaning the bathroom, smashing water under the bath tub.  it’s kinda hard cleaning that portion.  i had to smash water because the shower won’t work as i wanted.  dear housemate then woke up and used the toilet.  flushing and flushing, she wondered and asked me why the tissue paper remained.  oh!  the brush was stuck after all!  we kept flushing and yet the tissue paper remained, and the water raised as high as the height of the bowl itself.  “goodness!  this is a disaster!” i thought.

and so, i thought of ways.  i googled on the internet to find ways.  taking the object out is the easiest solution but only if i could see the object.  in my case, i couldn’t see the brush anymore so, it’s kinda hard. sure thing is, the brush is still there, causing the clog.  there were lots of suggestions on the net and finally a professional help was to be sought as final course of action and that left me with that choice.  only that choice.

and since it’s a saturday, the professionals for that were not on duty.  so, for a while, i shifted my attention and left the pad for the girl-bonding session.  while with friends, i wasn’t at ease.  i kept calling people who might have suggestions but to no avail.   it’s just so hard when the brush isn’t visible anymore.  i can’t pull anything.  i was thinking i should be looking for a liquid that might melt the brush instead of pulling it.  weird me!  perhaps because, i figured it will be wiser than seeking a professional help because it will cost me much.  and i mean, MUCH! (because, i have learned from friends that unclogging a bathroom costs 40,000yen based on personal experience.)

7 pm, the gang i was with was heading for a birthday party.  while i wanted to go too, i was caught between going and having fun and going back and facing my problem again.  so, i headed home and contemplated for ways.  with the gloves on, i picked every solid thing i could find in the toilet bowl and reached as far as i could.  nothing.  i couldn’t grab nor feel the brush.  and then i kept flushing and flushing hoping the brush would just get flushed.  but it only filled the bowl with water.  “goodness! this isn’ t gonna work!”  i dread thinking about the time when we would need to use the toilet for moving bowels.  that’s gonna be real bad.  scary! we can’t knock the next door and asked if we could use the toilet.  sure, not! and there are no stores nearby with public toilets.  huh! komatta na.  hontou ni.

i ended the day up by throwing all the garbage and then taking a shower. that’s it.  i called it a day.  tomorrow, i will just use the church’s toilet and hope dear housemate could still bear with the inconvenience.
march 4, 2007 (sunday)

first thing in the morning - flush the toilet to see if anything good happened.  was i expecting for a miracle?  PERHAPS!  as expected, it only filled the bowl with water.  so, i fixed myself for church and then left.  i kept narrating my problem to friends hoping i would get the solution i needed,  perhaps they know of an acid that melts plastics.  i left the church after lunch and then opted to go to a shop to seek the acid i desperately want to have.

after consuming all my japanese words the clerk finally understood what i wanted to have.  “there’s none of it around. you had better inform the incharge of your apartment”.  yappari.  so, i took the rubber thing for unclogging toilets and bathrooms and a toilet brush to replace the one taken by the bowl.  this time, i chose a stand-alone one (not the male-female thing). 

i went back to the pad and then use the rubber thing to unclog the bowl.  i kept pushing that thing and kept flushing and flushing the toilet until i consumed all my energy and so, i  decided to give up.  i took a shower again, cleaned all the things i’ve used and decided to just wait for monday.  professional help.  that’s it. that should be it.

march 5, 2007 (monday)

7:00 a.m.  i woke up and prayed so hard i won’t have to pay much.  i was hoping that when i flush the toilet, it would be okay already.  i went to check the bowl but i figured one more flushing would cause a little more trouble and so, i went down to informed the pad incharge instead.  30 minutes later, he’s ringing my door bell.  he flushed the toilet and understood the case.  i didn’t tell him i had brush stuck inside.  he didn’t ask me anyway.  he went down to get something - the rubber thing for unclogging, just ike the one i was using, but a bigger one.  in my mind, i said, “that’s not gonna work.  i did it already.” but i just allowed him to do what he thought of doing.  he flushed the toilet and then quickly unclogged the bowl with his rubber unclogger.  well, water slowly goes.  but that doesn’t mean that it’s working.  he flushed again and unclogged again.  alas!  it’s working!  it’s flushing perfectly fine.  but then i told him that if i put a tissue paper, it won’t get flushed.  so, i did throw in a few sheets and flushed it myself.  wow! amazing! it worked!  i put some tissue paper again and flushed.  there’s no doubt it’s fixed!

can you imagine that was just what i needed to do to get the brush flushed?  a bigger unclogger?  coupled with the perfect moves? or perhaps, i just needed the prayer and anything could work?

i am so thankful for that man.  i never needed to pay him.  not a single centavo.  just a “thank you so much” and he’s glad. i never had to even tell him of my stupidity of what i stuck inside!

praise GOD!

extra:
if there’s one lesson i learned from this experience, it is that, i should not wake up early and clean.  it’s causing me trouble!  LOL.  Seriously, it is, that when i am in trouble i only have to do what i could do and leave everything to HIM.  undoubtedly, He takes care of everything, especially those that my intellect, experience and power couldn’t do.  there are limits to what i can do and think while there are unlimited possibilities of what GOD can do and unlimited number of persons who can be of help. guess i consumed my energy for two days to no avail. LOL.  But no regrets!  at least, i tried.

two days of having an out-of-order toilet makes me realize just how important toilets are.  on days when it’s so cold, i get so lazy of getting up even when i feel like urinating, i knew the toilet is always right there. i kept postponing going to the toilet and thereby, taking its presence for granted.  now, i realized, i should be using the toilet as often as i feel like it, for when it’s not there, i would long for it’s presence really badly. 

always, in life, there are some things we take for granted and only realize their value when they’re gone. 

(1)  inside a client company, while i was talking to myself, my boss, looked at me, and frowned and wondered who i was talking to.  i was facing to no one except my laptop.  dear friend, then, told me of that when we left the office.

(2)  in a welcome party, held last friday, my japanese colleagues commented
officemate:   hitorigoto shite irun desu ne…
me:      e? hitorigoto wa nani?  (what’s hitorigoto)
officemate:   do to self.
me:     a, jibun to hanashite iru koto desu ka?  (a, you mean, talking with/to oneself?)
officemate:   sou, sou… (ya, ya)
me:     sou desu ne… shite imasu.  yoku shite imasu. (ya right, i do that. i do that very often.)

indeed.   indeed.  i have mastered that art.  unconsciously.  do you think they find me less than normal?  i hope not, for i am so used to doing it now.